


things change (but it's always been you for me)

by poeticvelvet



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Siri play Ribs by Lorde, more tags to be added later on, other members appear here and there, vball capt jinsoul
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:08:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24171061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poeticvelvet/pseuds/poeticvelvet
Summary: Jinsoul's shiny blonde hair is practically glowing under the auditorium lights, and the red volleyball uniform she had on was hugging her body in all the right places. It doesn't help that it's her favorite color, and that Jinsoul looks absolutely gorgeous in it.At the sudden revelation, Jungeun goes absolutely rigid.Jinsoul isn't the lanky nerd she had to protect from obnoxious boys and annoying bullies anymore. She's a jock now. A captain at that, and more than half of the school's population want her. But of course they would, who wouldn't want her? She's gorgeous, kind, selfless, and freakishly smart. She could be with anyone if she wanted.or, Jinsoul is suddenly put under a different light and Jungeun realizes she's in love with her best friend.
Relationships: Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 23
Kudos: 227





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> i thought long and hard on whether or not i should post this as a long ass oneshot or make it multichaptered, but i figured i would never finish it if i did the former so here we are! enjoy and please do tell me ur thoughts because i want to improve more hehe :]

_ Running out the backdoor leading to their school's playground, a strong gust of cold autumn wind immediately greets her, engulfing her tiny body in its hold. She heaves, inhaling large amounts of oxygen each time. Maybe it wasn't the brightest idea to run out of her last class of the morning as soon as the school bell echoed through the hallways, the sound piercing through the thick walls of the classroom for students and teachers alike to hear, but the thought of seeing familiar chubby cheeks, soft eyes, and geeky glasses had her zooming past all of her classmates and other kids walking, ignoring some of their annoyed yells when she accidentally bumps against them with her shoulders. _

_ Jungeun tightens her hold on her lunchbag (Moomin themed, she proudly points out) and scans the playground, looking for dark hair on a familiar figure. It's hard to make out anyone's face since they were all either running or being covered by the people running, but just as she turns to her right, her eyes land on a bench- their bench, with a single girl sitting on it, her bright blue bag practically calling for attention. _

_ She feels a smile immediately grow on her face, cheeks reaching her eyes. _

_ Like a boat finally spotting the lighthouse through the storm, the same girl looks up and meets her eyes all the way from the other side of the playground, a smile creeping onto her face. It rivals Jungeun's own in brightness. _

_ "Jungie!" She calls out from where she was, standing up and waving her arms around like those balloon things in gasoline station. The image before her has Jungeun giggling, Jinsoul's scrawny body not helping the sight become less funnier. _

_ Just as her breathing comes back to normal, Jungeun zooms through the crowd again, ignoring the cold wind piercing through her uncovered arms and the other children around her age playing on the sand and swings. She wonders if Jinsoul is feeling cold. The older girl has always been quite sickly. _

_ Finally reaching the bench on the far right side of the playground, she plops her butt onto it with a huff, exhaling a tired breath. This was the very same spot where they first exchanged greetings and soon claimed as their own. They called it "their spot", even going as far as engraving their initials on it in classic carve-your-initials-on-a-tree-with-a-heart-around-it fashion (which, they're pretty sure, is against the school rules), except this time it was a plank of wood attached to stylish rods of metal. It's a mystery how they haven't been caught yet considering they're the only students who actually use the bench during recess instead of playing with the others. _   
  


_ Neatly placing her lunch bag next to Jinsoul's doraemon themed one, she beams at her then immediately falls against the bench, resting the back of her head on the planks of wood behind her. She shuts her eyes close, letting her face absorb the warm rays of the sun grazing her features. _

_ Her stillness is cut off by a poke to her cheek from her left side, "Hey." _

_ Humming in question, she feels another poke to her cheek, growing in amount when she hums in reply again. _

_ Opening her eyes, she peers over to Jinsoul who was smirking at her, her hand out with her index finger outstretched. Her glasses look like they're about to slip off the bridge of her nose.  _

_ "What?" _

_ Jinsoul giggles, "you look like a sleeping owl." _

_ Furrowing her eyebrows together, Jungeun sits up and pokes at Jinsoul's cheek in the same manner the older girl did to her. "What does that even mean?" _

_ Retracting her hand away, the older girl giggles again then shrugs, reaching into her lunch bag for her usual animal crackers. Successfully opening the bag, she pulls one out (it's shaped into a zebra) and bites into its head, offering the same piece to Jungeun who was waiting for Jinsoul to feed her a cracker like she always has. _

_ "Want some-?"  _

_ The rest of the zebra's body falls to the ground as something hits Jinsoul's arm, snapping into two on the floor as the crumbs scatters around the soil.  _

_ Both snapping their heads to the front to see just who was behind the zebra cracker's death, Jungeun curses herself at the sight before her. Jinsoul goes rigid next to her. _

_ Stained school shirt, bad haircut, shorts showcasing his crusty knees, and snot threatening to fall out of his red nose. _

_ It was a sight Jungeun absolutely despised and Jinsoul absolutely feared. _

_ "Yo, Jin-nerd. Where are my snacks." He demands, wiping away the snot with his backhand. His eyes still have morning goo on the corners of his eyelids and  _ is that dried up drool on his cheek? Does this boy even shower?

_ Jungeun grimaces in her seat, refraining herself from gagging. _

_ "U-uh." Jinsoul stutters, looking everywhere but at him. She pushes her glasses up on her nose out of nervous habit. _

_ He narrows his eyes at her, coming even closer to them, "Can you not talk? I said where are my snacks!" When more snot threatens to fall out of his nose, he pulls at his uniform and tries to wipe it with his collar but fails, only spreading it against his cheek in a straight line, it even spreads over his drool-stain.  _

_ Jungeun can't control herself anymore and makes a face of pure disgust, "Gross." _

_ The boy suddenly shifts his line of sight to her, and Jungeun should be scared because he's easily twice her size, but the snot on his cheek truly isn't helping him at all.  _

_ "What did you just say, Kim?" He questions, now coming closer to her. _

_ "I said," Jungeun stands up, meeting his glare with one of her own. "You're gross, and you probably have cooties."  _

_ By now, a few children have stopped their playing to watch the both of them, interest piqued. _

_ "Do you even shower? You smell like cheese that's been in my fridge for more than a year." She squeezes her nose for more effect, "You have drool all over your face, expired chocolate milk on your shirt, and your nose is like the Han River. How is it always filled with snot? You must definitely have cooties." _

_ The other kids 'oooh' in the background, some giggling echoing around here and there. The boy visibly shrinks, his scary facade breaking slightly. He wipes at his nose with the back of his hand again, back stepping to create as much distance as possible with the younger girl without it being too obvious. _

_ Jungeun scoffs, glaring at him with so much anger her tiny body shouldn't even posses at this age. "Now get out of here before the other's see your butt get beat by a girl!"  _

_ His face drains of any color at the threat, the facade he tried so hard to keep up completely breaking into pieces before the girl who was a whole head shorter than her. "F-Fine!" He stutters, "I'm only leaving because I have to, not because you threatened me or s-something." Then he's off, running full speed towards the doors leading into the school. The other kids watch him, laughing at his retreating figure and growing in volume when he almost trips on a rock.  _

_ "Keep telling yourself that, snot-boy!"  _

_ When he's finally out of sight and everyone else was finally back to playing, Jungeun sports a proud smile and barely sits back down before a hand is flying, hitting her right on her forearm. _

_ "Ow! Jindori?! What'd you hit me for?!" _

_ Jungeun turns to glare at Jinsoul, who has her arms crossed in front of her chest in an angry manner. Rubbing at her assaulted arm, Jungeun continues glaring at the girl waiting for an answer; however, it never comes, and Jinsoul just huffs and turns away from her, mumbling incoherent words to herself.  _

_ The younger girl, despite her mild annoyance at getting hit, shuffles closer to Jinsoul, poking at her puffed out cheek with her free hand. "What?" _

_ Jinsoul huffs again, then repeats what she said, just a little louder so Jungeun could hear her.  _

_ "Why do you always do that..."  _

_ "Do what?" Jungeun follows up, tilting her head to the side in confusion. She ignores the throbbing on her arm to pay full attention to Jinsoul.  _

_ When Jungeun extends her arm out to poke at Jinsoul's cheek again, the girl suddenly turns around, making Jungeun flinch back in shock. Her eyes are narrowed, eyebrows almost connecting, and her lips are pulled down to form a frown. _

_ "Put yourself in danger to protect me." Then she huffs again, turning her body away from Jungeun.  _

_ For a few seconds, Jungeun is confused by what she meant, but after registering just what Jinsoul was saying, she giggles softly, moving closer to drape an arm around Jinsoul's shoulder.  _

_ "Jindori," _

_ "What?" She asks, muffled by the collar of her oversized jacket. It's blue too, just less vibrant than her lunchbox. _

_ "Look at me." _

_ Straightening her posture in her seat, Jinsoul doesn't try putting up a fight anymore and turns her head sideways, meeting Jungeun's eyes. _

_ The younger girl smiles softly, rubbing the shoulder her hand was draped on, "I do it because you're my best friend, Jindori. I can't just sit and watch you get called nerd! Only I can do that!" Jinsoul scoffs at that, rolling her eyes, but her tiny smile gives her away. Smirking, Jungeun reaches over, grabbing Jinsoul's hand with her right one. She draws circles on the back of it, knowing that always made Jinsoul feel better.  _

_ "I'll protect you from all the snot-faced boys for as long as we're friends! That means I'll protect you forever because we're gonna be best friends for infinite years! I'll be your prince in shining armor!" Jungeun ends it with a toothy grin, causing Jinsoul to finally let her own increase in size. Jungeun always had that effect on her. _

_ "It's 'knight in shining armor' doofus," Jinsoul teases, giggling lowly.  _

_ Jungeun's smile grows even wider at the sound. "I'm a prince and you're my princess, so 'prince in shining armor' is just right."  _

_ Jinsoul looks at her amusedly but doesn't try fighting her, choosing instead to lay her head on Jungeun's shoulder. "Whatever." _

_ Victoriously grinning, Jungeun follows suit and rests her head on Jinsoul's own, letting her body relax to the tune of Jinsoul's soft humming. The wind blows past them, and the low rustling of the trees make it sound like it was harmonizing with the older girl.  _

_ It was peaceful. They always felt content whenever they were with one another. Jinsoul's humming, occasional screaming here and there, the wind blowing by every minute. It would have been perfect if the insistent itch of feeling like she was forgetting something important would finally leave Jungeun.  _

_ After Jinsoul hums one last note, Jungeun sits up so abruptly Jinsoul jumps in place due to shock, placing a hand over her heart to try and calm it down. Jungeun ignores her though, moving away to rummage through her lunch bag in search of something instead.  _

_ "Jungie?" Jinsoul calls out after she'd calmed down, curiously watching Jungeun pull out a bunch of her snacks from her lunch bag and placing it down on the bench. "What are you doing-" _

_ "Aha!" Jungeun yells, cutting Jinsoul off. She sits upright, hiding her other hand away from Jinsoul's line of sight then turns her body around. _

_ "Give me your hand." _

_ Jinsoul raises her eyebrows in confusion, "What?" _

_ Jungeun rolls her eyes, "Just do it!" _

_ Hesitantly, Jinsoul extends a hand out palm-up, praying to God in her head that this wasn't another one of Jungeun's good-for-nothing pranks. The last time Jungeun pranked her, Jinsoul ended up with broken glasses and tears in her eyes. Of course, Jungeun cried too. The guilt turning into liquid in her eyes. Let's just say her mom wasn't very pleased once she found out. _

_ Once Jinsoul's hand was fully out, she takes her hidden hand and hovers it above Jinsoul's palm. And just when Jinsoul thought the younger girl was gonna drop something onto it (A spider maybe. Who knows. She braces herself for what's to come), Jungeun moves and puts on a bracelet of sorts on Jinsoul's wrist. It's made of mostly purple beads, but three blue beads, right in the middle of it, catches her attention. There are small letters engraved into the blue beads in white colored font. _

J ♡ J

_ Pulling away, both of them watch it hang off her wrist, the air making it move along with it. Jinsoul looks at Jungeun then back to the bracelet, her face forming into one of confusion.  _

_ She tilts her head to side the side. "What is this?"  _

_ Shuffling, Jungeun extends her own hand out to showcase the almost identical bracelet on her own wrist, only difference being hers is red, her favorite color. She's grinning, her smile big and bright like the sun. It warms Jinsoul inside. _

_ "It's a friendship bracelet! I made it myself!" Jungeun points out proudly, chest puffing up in pride. "We even having matching ones-!" _

_ Jungeun is cut of by a body quite literally jumping her. The air gets knocked out of her chest, and she's having a hard time breathing due to how tight the sudden hug was. But once she hears a sniffle come from right next to her ear, she doesn't even bother trying to tell Jinsoul to get off of her._

_ "I love it." Jinsoul whispers, tightening her hold on Jungeun. "Thank you. _

_ Grinning, Jungeun returns the hug, "You're welcome, Jindori unnie. Now can you let go? I kinda can't breathe." She wheezes out. _

_ Jinsoul laughs in her hold, finally loosening her death grip on Jungeun.  _

_ "You're the best." _

_ "Yeah, I know." _

_ "Never mind, I take it back." _

_ "Nooooo-" _

"Jungeun? Jungeunnn? Hello?" 

At the sound of her name being called, Jungeun snaps out of her daydream with an annoyed click of a tongue. She reaches out to grab the hand aggressively waving in front of her face, tightening her grip for extra effect.

"Jinsoul, what are you doing?"

The mentioned girl in her hold squirms in pain, tugging her hand away from Jungeun's grip. She cradles her wrist in hopes of soothing it, pouting. "I've been trying to get your attention for five minutes now." And then she huffs, crossing her arms like a child would (It isn't too out of character of her though, considering just how child-like the older girl could act sometimes).

"Oh, sorry." Jungeun scratches at her nape, smiling sheepishly at Jinsoul. She doesn't look too apologetic though. 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes at the apology yet still crouches down to make space next to Jungeun. She pushes her duffle bag off the bench after grabbing her water bottle, taking a long swig out of it. 

Wiping at the droplets of water dripping down her chin, she watches Jungeun with curious eyes, her head propped up on her palm.

Jungeun meets her eyes, "What?" 

She runs her hand through her now blonde hair (which they dyed about a week ago, and, putting the experience lightly, it was a whole disaster. It didn't turn out _that_ bad at least, considering how Jinsoul isn't bald yet). "Just wondering what you were thinking about that's got you so zoned out." Jinsoul wipes at the sweat trickling down her jaw with her backhand absentmindedly.

Grimacing, Jungeun grabs the face towel next to her, pushing it into Jinsoul's hands.

"Thanks," Jinsoul chuckles, making herself comfortable next to Jungeun. "So what's up?

Jungeun looks away from her, choosing instead to watch the other players practice. Their shoes squeak against the rubber floor, and the sounds of the balls bouncing echoes around the room. 

Jungeun hums, smiling a little to herself. "I was thinking about when I first gave you that bracelet."

At the mentioned object, Jinsoul looks down at the bracelet wrapped around her wrist, the beads shining under the bright lights of the auditorium. Though the color has relatively faded (understandable, considering it _has_ been 8 years), it doesn't look a day older than a month.

Playing with the blue beads residing right at the middle, Jinsoul smiles fondly at the memory, feeling a bit nostalgic. "Yeah, I remember that day. You fought snot-boy for me even if he was a whole head taller than you."

"He was calling my  princess  a nerd, what was I supposed to do?" Jungeun jokes, snorting.

Jinsoul scoffs, "Can't believe you called me princess when we were younger but now you can't talk to a single girl without stuttering."

Jungeun playfully hits her, "Shut up."

Laughing, Jinsoul throws herself at Jungeun, engulfing her in a tight hug that has her trying to scramble away. Jungeun is yelling, and she's pretty sure some of the other players are watching them interestedly, but she pays them no mind, putting her entire focus all on trying to push Jinsoul away from her.

"Jinsoul! Let go of me, you're sweaty!"

Jinsoul only tightens her hold on Jungeun, "But my  prince in shining armor deserves a hug for saving me from the big bad snot monster!"

Letting out a full on shriek, Jungeun manages to push Jinsoul off of her, immediately running a few steps away. 

"Jungeun! Get back here!"

"N- oh hey, Sooyoung. No!"

Sooyoung amusedly side eyes her with a smile before returning to gathering the volleyballs on the floor, too used to their antics. 

"God, I miss Haseul." She mumbles to herself, throwing the volleyball over the net. 

"Ok, truce!" Jinsoul yells, raising her hands in defeat. She sits back down on the bench, watching Jungeun narrow her eyes at her in disbelief. 

Rolling her eyes, she beckons Jungeun over. "I swear I'm not gonna do anything!"

Even though she was still wary, _very wary_ actually, she follows and hesitantly walks over, her steps light and slow. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest, and she's watching Jinsoul intently, trying to find even the tiniest bit of mischievousness on her face. When she's finally close enough, she sits down next to the grinning blonde, her eyes narrowed.

" Tsundere," Jinsoul whispers mockingly, giggling. 

"You're annoying."

"You love me though!"

Jungeun shrugs, finally relaxing. "Can't argue with that."

Jinsoul smiles, her cheeks rising and reaching up to her eyes. It's infectious, and Jungeun finds herself smiling along. 

They both settle into a comfortable silence similar to the ones they had every lunch at their bench back in middle school, save for the occasional squeaks and thumps of rubber shoes and balls hitting the floor. Jinsoul hums like she always has, the only things missing being the cold wind piercing through their skin and Jinsoul's animal crackers.

After a few more moments of just watching the ball go back and forth over the net, Jinsoul suddenly stands up, stretching her arms over her head. 

She nudges Jungeun's shoe with her own, "Get up."

"Why?" The younger girl looks up at her, confused.

Jinsoul ignores her to yell "Hey Hyunjin! Pass me a ball would ya?" from across the room, lifting her hand up to catch the junior's attention. As she catches the ball with ease, she looks to Jungeun, that damn smile on her face. It's the one she puts on when she's about to ask Jungeun something she knows the younger girl would refuse.

Jungeun is quick to deny her, "No."

"Oh, come on! Please?"

"The last time I played with you, I ended up in the nurses office  _ unconscious _ ." Jungeun deadpans, looking at Jinsoul with her face void of emotion.

Jinsoul's smile falters, laughing to herself guiltily. She fumbles with the ball in her hand. In her defense she really didn't mean for it to happen. She miscalculated her aim (which isn't a normal occurrence for her. She was the volleyball captain for god's sake) and the ball ended up hitting Jungeun face first, literally knocking her out and sending her to the floor with a loud thud. (Jinsoul cried the whole time she was out). 

Staring at Jinsoul look all guilty, shuffling to and fro on her heels, Jungeun sighs, dragging her hand across her face. She stands up, walks to where Jinsoul was stood and takes the ball from her hands. "I'm serving."

Jinsoul stares at her in disbelief. "For real?"

Walking multiple steps away from Jinsoul, the younger girl turns around, raising an eyebrow at Jinsoul. "Come on, before I change my mind."

Jinsoul's entire face immediately brightens up at her words. She jogs in place, looking more like an excited puppy than an 18 year old adult. 

"Ok! Give it to me!"

Rolling her eyes goodheartedly, Jungeun readies herself before throwing the ball up, hitting it downwards with her right palm. It zooms through the air, making direct contact with Jinsoul's forearms. 

"Nice serve!" She directs the ball's direction up, setting it to herself before hitting it back to Jungeun in the same manner the younger girl did.

Jungeun sets it up twice before she hits the ball back with ease. Maybe volleyball lessons with Jinsoul wasn't that useless.

Jinsoul watches her in awe, hitting it back to Jungeun. "I can't believe you didn't try out for the team! We could've been the best duo!"

At Jinsoul's choice of words, Jungeun feels something at the pit of her stomach. Like a bunch of bugs suddenly came to life inside her. Her heart rate spikes up, and her ears are staring to grow warm for some reason. It happens occasionally around the other girl, but Jungeun's never paid it any mind, and that's exactly what she does. Ignoring whatever it was, she hits the ball back, answering Jinsoul with a short _I have swimming . _

"Still, we could've been perfect together." Jinsoul insists, setting the ball to herself.

That same feeling comes back, but now more insistent. It feels like its flying up from her stomach and up to her lungs, coming together to squeeze at it. 

She's suddenly short of breathe.

And she's terrified because that's never happened before. Yeah, she's felt some sort of tingling in her stomach, but it never felt like it was suffocating her like this.

Trying to distract herself, Jungeun wildly rakes her eyes everywhere, looking for something to bring her back to normal. And as her eyes fall on Jinsoul, it suddenly feels like her entire focus shifts to the girl alone, everything else in her vicinity blurring into the background.

Jinsoul's shiny blonde hair is practically glowing under the auditorium lights, and the red volleyball uniform she had on was hugging her body in all the right places. It doesn't help that it's her favorite color, and that Jinsoul looks absolutely gorgeous in it.

At the sudden revelation, Jungeun goes absolutely rigid.

The bugs (which she now identified as butterflies) come back full force, practically clogging up her airway.

Jinsoul isn't the lanky nerd she had to protect from obnoxious boys and annoying bullies anymore. She's a jock now. A captain at that, and more than half of the school's population want her. But of course they would, who wouldn't want her? She's gorgeous, kind, selfless, and freakishly smart. She could be with anyone if she wanted.

Jungeun suddenly feels sick. 

But it's short lived, because a ball comes flying straight towards her, hitting her square on the face.

She knocks back to the floor with a loud thud.

"Oh, no! Not again! Jungie!"


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy ok so i took way too long on this so first of, i would like to apologize LMAO the amount of times i rewrote this... but it's here now! so! this is a bit more emotional? i guess? compared to my other works and i'm not entirely sure if i gave jungeun's feelings and thoughts justice so, again, i apologize :( i hope you enjoy !!! :]

Opening her eyelids, she's met with immediate regret as bright white light pierces through her eyes, momentarily blinding her. Her eyes water, and in a split second, she shuts them close.

Curse words find themselves falling from Jungeun's lips, her eyes still stinging from the sudden exposure. It's uncomfortable, the feeling similar to special days where she stays up past her bedtime. She places her arm over her shut eyelids, huffing out a breath

The room is silent, the only sounds remaining being the low whirring of the air conditioning. And for a moment, she's brought back to the days where they would sit in their bench, animal crackers in hand and Jinsoul's humming breaking through the wind. The memory makes her warm, the corner of her lips lifting ever so slightly. It was a nice distraction from the now eerie quiet surrounding her.

She has never been too fond of the stillness she found herself far too often in. It made her...  _ feel _ . Made her mind wander through too many locations she's kept hidden at the very back of her head. So more often than not, she'd have music blasting through her airpods with some bubbly kpop song on high volume, not giving the silence even a second to creep into her head. And if that wasn't an option at the moment, Jinsoul's hand laced with her own would easily do the job, her thumb running over her boney knuckles comfortingly. It was simple but very effective at keeping her brain from wandering too far away.

Unfortunately, both weren't available right now, and the only thing keeping her thoughts at bay was starting to sound fainter by the minute, slowly being replaced by the piercing silence she's grown to hate over the years.

And all of a sudden, her head's a mess, thoughts overlapping one another almost chaotically. 

_You like Jinsoul. You like your best friend. The stereotypical loser has feelings for the smart jock who also happens to be her best friend! Wow, how original! Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic._

Jungeun sighs, let's her arm fall limp beside her heavily.

"Fuck..."

After what felt like forever, the silence is finally replaced with the much appreciated sounds of the door opening and closing shut, followed by two familiar voices conversing.

"Oh, quit your whining Ms. Jung, she'll be alright. And may I remind you who is at fault here?"

Jinsoul whines louder in reply, and Jungeun hates how the corner of her lips lift up ever so slightly at the sound.

Curse her soft heart.

At last, Jungeun finally opens her eyes, lets them adjust to the harsh lighting of the room (seriously, why the hell is it so bright for?) as she listens in on Jinsoul's and what sounds like the voice of the school nurses' conversation. 

"Sweetie, please wake Jungeun up. Any longer and it'd be too dark for both of you to walk home." Ms. Son says, and Jungeun can faintly hear the sounds of paper being gathered together.

"Got it."

Knowing Jinsoul was about to enter through the curtains any second now, Jungeun shuffles to a sitting position with a bit difficulty; her head and body felt like it weighed a ton. She groans, and the sounds of sheets rustling has Jinsoul barreling in, eyes wide and puffy like she's been crying (she has).

"Jungeun!"

In an instant, Jinsoul is stood next to her bed, clutching onto the metal railing attached to it so hard her fists were starting to turn white. She's shaking, and her lower lip is jutted out and quivering. On a normal day, Jungeun would have made fun of her face, thrown in playful remarks as she comforts her, but as the light reflects off of something threatening to fall from the older girl's eyes, Jungeun's heart breaks into pieces. She's never been one of God's strongest soldiers.

"Woah, Jinsoul. Calm down." Jungeun replaces the railings with her own hands, rubbing her thumbs over Jinsoul's knuckles in the way she knows the girl likes.

Jinsoul audibly breathes through her nose, momentarily letting go of Jungeun's hand to wipe at her unshed tears with the back of her hand.

"Hey, Soul. What's wrong? Why are you crying?" The younger girl asks, worry completely laced into her voice. 

The blonde sniffles, her head bowed to the floor in guilt-ridden shame. "I-I just, I'm sorry. You were doing s-so well so I thought you had it but you d-didn't and now you're in the nurse's office because of me  _ again  _ and God...." Her voice wavers at the end, and the sound has Jungeun's heart painfully constricting in her chest.

"Soul, breathe. I'm fine, I swear. Don't worry, alright?" Jungeun tilts her head to look up at Jinsoul's face, her own scrunched together in worry. She keeps moving around till Jinsoul finally meets her eyes, and when they do, Jungeun's frown deepens. Jinsoul's eyes are puffier in comparison to earlier, and they're heartbreakingly red and teary.

Jinsoul brings a hand up to wipe at them again. "I-I'm the one," A hiccup. "Who's suppose t-to comfort you."

Jungeun humorously chuckles. Typical of Jinsoul to think of others while she's downright sobbing.

"How about this," Jungeun starts slowly, playing with the hands in her hold. "You buy me ice cream on the way home and I forgive you, how does that sound?"

The older girl finally stops trembling, looking at Jungeun through hooded teary eyes. She nods, managing to form a small grin. "Ok."

Jungeun immediately brightens at the answer. She lets go of Jinsoul's hands, shoving the blanket laid atop her aside so she could lift them over the edge of the bed. Her legs dangle, and at the sight of only Jinsoul's shoes on the floor, Jungeun knits her eyebrows in confusion.

Jinsoul catches her confused staring. "What?"

"Where are my shoes?" At the question, Jinsoul bends down in an instant, reaching below the bed to pull out her beat up converses. She's still pouting, and her eyebrows are doing that incredibly cute thing it does as she unties Jungeun's laces nonchalantly. Jungeun pokes in between them, giggling. "Stop frowning, Soul. You'll get wrinkles."

The blonde sticks her tongue out towards Jungeun's direction. She remains bent down on the ground, and before Jungeun could even nag at her over how dirty the floor was and how much bacteria was currently sticking onto her, Jinsoul shoves her sock-clad foot inside her shoe, tying the laces up once it was properly slipped on. She doesn't see Jungeun's entire face go red at the gesture ( _thank god_ ), too busy trying to slip on the other pair on Jungeun's foot.

Once she was done, she dusts her hands as she stands up. She's finally smiling (the stupidly cute one that appears after she finishes building her lego set after working on in it for 6 hours straight), her chest puffed out in pride. 

(All Jungeun could think of was how much the older girl resembled a golden retriever. Wagging tail and all.)

"All the boys wanna be as chivalrous as me!"

Jungeun snorts, rolling her eyes. "Sure." She playfully shoves Jinsoul away, trying to hide away her very obviously red cheeks all the while ignoring the way her heart was still insistingly pounding against her ribcage.

She hops off the bed, and blood suddenly rushing to her head has her stumbling, grabbing onto Jinsoul for support.

Jinsoul is quick to hold onto her, eyeing her pale face worriedly. "Woah, are you alright?"

Jungeun rubs at her temple with her free hand, the other still holding on to Jinsoul. "Yeah, just felt lightheaded for a second."

Jinsoul frowns, her forehead sporting a big, bright, invisible sign saying 'CONCERNED'. She guides Jungeun back to the slightly elevated bed, her hands coming to rest at Jungeun's hips gently. The younger girl doesn't know what to expect, so she gets the shock of her life when she's suddenly being lifted up and carefully placed back down on the bed's mattress. Her heart skyrockets, and all she can think is  _wow, she's so bare minimum_.

"Stay there." Jinsoul pats down her uniform before disappearing behind the curtains.

Jungeun nervously laughs, the sound bouncing off the walls of the room. She's sure entire face is flushed red. "Not like I have a choice. Ahahaha." She winces at the sheer awkwardness in her voice.

Jinsoul is gone for exactly 67 seconds (not that she was counting (she was)), before she hears her steps come closer and closer. The brunette fumbles around, trying to act like every single thing Jinsoul has done for her in the past 15 minutes wasn't affecting her greatly. But as soon as Jinsoul takes a single step inside her make shift room, all Jungeun is is confused.

"Why are you wearing my bag like that?"

Jungeun's bright red bag is resting nicely in front of Jinsoul's chest, and the duffle bag she uses to carry her sports gear is hanging beside her right hip (It's blue, obviously). She's just noticed Jinsoul's back to wearing their school uniform, and that her hair is slightly damp, flowing behind her back in familiar waves.

Jinsoul grins. Fortunately, she isn't frowning anymore, but Jungeun can spot the tiniest bit of concern in her eyes. "I'm gonna piggyback you home!" She says it so casually as if the younger girl's house wasn't literally 5 blocks away from their school.

Jungeun's eyes bulge out of her skull, plenty shocked.  Jung Jinsoul will truly be the death of her . "Uhm, no you aren't?"

"Yes, I am."

"No."

"Yes!" Jinsoul turns around, showcasing her free back to Jungeun. "Now hop on."

"But-"

"Hop on, Jungeun."

"... God, fine."

The blonde lowers herself slightly, and Jungeun takes that as her cue to jump on. She snakes her arms around Jinsoul's neck just as the older girl's hands hook around her bare thighs, ignoring the tingle that runs down her spine at the simple contact.

After one last adjustment, Jinsoul nods to no one in particular, looking over her shoulder to peek at Jungeun, seemingly not caring that Jungeun's head was currently resting there.

They were suddenly too close. Panicking like the useless gay she was, Jungeun leans back, meeting Jinsoul's eyes from a safe distance.

"W-What?"

Jinsoul turns back to the front, walking through the curtains of the makeshift room. "Just making sure you were good to go."

"O-Oh. Yeah, I am."

"Alright."

They both say their goodbye's to Ms. Son once they pass by her, who smiles at them in acknowledgment and tells them a sweet 'stay safe, girls' before they were fully outside the room. Jinsoul easily walks through the hallways without breaking a sweat, adjusting Jungeun's position on her back every once in a while. As they pass through the final doors leading to the outside, a cool breeze immediately greets them. A feeling of nostalgia runs over Jungeun.

Like always, once the silence looms over them, Jinsoul almost automatically hums to a random tune in her head. She makes her own music with the whistles of the wind and the rustling of the trees, nodding her head to every beat her shoes made when it came in contact with the ground. It wasn't like their usual silence though, at least to Jungeun it wasn't. She feels  _awkward_ . It's extra unusual because she's  never  felt awkward around the older girl. She was one of the very few people she could truly be herself around. One of the very few people she could truly be transparent with. And this sudden feeling of awkwardness has her... has her angry? Frustrated? All of the above?

(In hindsight, she  did just realize she liked Jinsoul, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.)

Her throat clogs up the same way it does whenever she's pushing her anger down, so she buries her nose in the crook of Jinsoul's neck, inhaling her scent desperately. She smells like lemons and vanilla, Jungeun notes.

They continue walking (well, Jinsoul walks. Jungeun is kinda stuck on her back) under the trees by the sidewalk. Jinsoul is still humming, the trees still rustle as the wind blows pass them, and Jungeun still feels awkward, head still buried in the blonde's neck. She shuffles uncomfortably on Jinsoul's back, who peers behind her in confusion. "Are you alright?"

Jungeun buries her face even further into Jinsoul's nape in a sad attempt of hiding. "Y-Yeah."

Jinsoul obviously doesn't believe her, "Do you want to get down?"

"Maybe."

"Are you feeling better? Don't lie."

The younger girl snorts into Jinsoul's shoulder, feeling less tense than before. "Yes, Jinsoul. I feel much better."

Jinsoul halts, chuckling a bit before she bends down so Jungeun could slip off easier.

"Thank you, Soul." In a second, Jungeun is off her back, stepping away to dust off her uniform. She throws a weak punch to a waiting Jinsoul's shoulder, who laughs and grabs her arm, pulling her flush against her front. "You're welcome, weirdo." She pulls back slightly, staring into Jungeun's eyes. "Tell me when you feel anything- as in  anything,  alright?"

Jungeun frantically nods, the distance making her heart raise a mile per minute. She could see every detail of her face; Jinsoul's eyes had a worried glint in them, and her lashes were long and pretty. It complimented her brown eyes well. Jungeun could faintly see her small scar, the one in between her eyebrows. The setting sun illuminating their faces made it more visible, and Jungeun wanted nothing more but to reach up and poke at it at that moment. As her eyes traveled lower, traveling pass Jinsoul's button nose slowly, the blonde suddenly pulls back with a wide grin, placing an arm around her broad shoulders and pulling her along (if she didn't, Jungeun's sure she would be left frozen, standing in the middle of the sidewalk like an idiot).

Jinsoul continues humming like nothing happened, leaving Jungeun to walk wide eyed next to her, her heart beating erratically in her chest. Her entire face bursts into flames, even more so when the very same arm Jinsoul had around her slips off her stiff shoulders, moving downwards so she could lace their fingers together. It's warm and soft to the touch, Jungeun notes, and when Jinsoul runs her thumb over her knuckles, Jungeun feels herself calm down again albeit slightly, because, well, Jinsoul is still  so close and she smells  really  good...

A tug at her arm is what snaps her out of her stupor. She looks up to see Jinsoul staring at her, a weird expression on her face. "Are you sure you're alright? You look like Hyejoo whenever Yerim is around." Jinsoul questions, pulling her even closer to herself.

Jungeun snickers at that, internally begging her heart to calm down because they've held hands before. Hell they've even showered together.  _Naked_!

"I'm alright Soul, I swear. Just kind of tired." Jungeun reassures. Then she shoulder bumps her, laughing. "If Hyejoo was here, she would kill you for that comment."

Jinsoul laughs along, finally looking forward. "Well, she isn't here, is she now?"

"I'm telling on you!"

Jinsoul dramatically gasps, feigning offense. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, but I would." Jungeun retorts, trying not to burst into laughter right there and then.

Jinsoul throws both their hands down, letting Jungeun go to cross her arms in front of her chest. She's pouting, and her face is scrunched up into faux anger, which makes Jungeun finally burst out in laughter, completely distracted from the thumping in her chest. It all feels normal now. Not like the stuffiness she was feeling. Jinsoul always has been her source of comfort, making her forget all about her problems at just the mere sight of her. She hasn't told her that yet though, but she has a feeling Jinsoul already knows.

They walk together in a steady rhythm, their arms swaying as they move along the sidewalk. Jinsoul laced their fingers again, and this time, Jungeun doesn't overthink it anymore, just simply enjoy's the feel of Jinsoul's hand in her own.

In no time, they reach Jungeun's house. The remainder of their walk was filled with animated conversation; Jungeun (talker by nature) blabbered on and on about her day before she was ruthlessly knocked out cold by a ball, while Jinsoul (listener by nature) made a remark from time to time, cracking jokes that made Jungeun screech in laughter. By any means, it wasn't hard to make her laugh, but Jinsoul has her genuinely wheezing in laughter every time.

Jungeun turns to Jinsoul, eyes glinting. "If you thought I forgot about the ice cream thing then you'd be wrong." Jinsoul laughs, letting go of Jungeun's hand to slap at her shoulder lightly. "Yeah, Yeah, whatever. You'll get your free ice cream soon enough." The older girl gently pushes her towards her house, "Now get your ass in there and rest!"

"Wow, trying to get rid of me already? I see how it is." Jungeun clutches at her chest, hunching over as she fakes a sob.

"You're such a lame-o." Jinsoul giggles.

Jungeun laughs along with her, finally making her way to her door. Once her feet reaches her doormat, she turns around, happily waving at Jinsoul from where she was standing. "Bye, Soul! Don't forget my free ice cream!"

Boisterous laughter resounds in the surprisingly empty area. Jinsoul waves back just as eagerly, smile bright enough to spot from a hundred miles away. Her entire figure is bathed in the last rays of the sun, coloring her in a pretty orange. She looks so incredibly warm and soft, and Jungeun has a half a mind to invite her in for cuddles, but the pounding in her chest returns, serving as an unwelcome reminder that she had feelings for her best friend, and that she wouldn't be able to handle having her that close without combusting anymore.

With one last wave to the older girl, Jungeun turns back to her door, taking out her key and unlocking it almost hastily. She slams it shut once she was inside, and her back immediately meets the cold hard wood, sighing heavily.

It's silent again the piercing white noise already creeping up to her. Just as it was about to eat her alive, her mom peaks in from the kitchen, eyeing her weirdly. "Jungie, are you okay?"

Jungeun looks towards her mom and snorts; she's wearing her stupid shades inside the house, and her hands are holding a spatula on her right, and their dog Zero on her left. She doesn't know whether she should cringe or not. "Nothing mom," she walks by past her, patting Zero's head before heading up to her room. "Call me when dinner is ready!"

***

It's around 8pm when they finally finish dinner. It wasn't as eventful as it usually was, seeing asher mom seemed way too occupied with Zero to ask her any of her usual weird questions. Her other mom was currently abroad for her fashion line, hence her mom hermit-ing away in their home.

(The truth is, her mom noticed how tired she looked and decided to spare her from her existential questions, choosing instead to dote on their dog.)

Closing her lights and opening her lamp instead, she immediately flops on her bed, energy depleting by the second as she clutches her rowlip plushie close to her chest. Every now and then her head squeezes in on itself for a split second before it's gone, most probably an aftereffect of the fall she took.  _I should probably get that checked_... Groaning, she reaches for the phone laid flat on her bed, opening up her contacts hesitantly. She stares at the name decorated with at least 10 emojis, a variation of hearts, rainbows, kissing emojis, fairies, a girl cartwheeling, and a penguin. She lets out tiny laugh _._ _ Did she go through my phone again... _

After editing all the emojis out, Jungeun goes back to staring at her phone, thumb hovering over the text button.

...

_ Fuck it.  _ She opens their messages.

** > ddongddongie 8:07 PM **

jiwooming

help

** > jiwooming 8:09 PM **

WHAT

IS OEMTHUNG WRINAG?

IS SOMETHING WRONG*

** > ddongddongie 8:10 PM **

yes

** > jiwooming 8:10 PM **

DO YOU NEED A SHOVEL????!????

** > ddongddongie 8:10 PM **

NO WTF

hold on

** > jiwooming 8:11 PM **

oh thank god

so whats up?

** > jiwooming 8:17 PM **

jungeun?

** > ddongddongie 8:21 PM **

i uhm

i think i like jinsol

** > jiwooming 8:21 PM **

HIZZUK

i mean, wbk but like

HIZZUK

** > ddongddongie 8:22 PM **

wait what do you mean WBK?!?!?

** > jiwooming 8:23 PM **

oh baby

oh sweet sweet jungeun

you look at her like youre ready to risk everything for her, its actually really cute

** > ddongddongie 8:24 PM **

i

oh god am i That obvious

** > jiwooming 8:24 PM **

to me yes

to jinsoul, i dont think so. that girls as oblivious as a rock

remember when minkyung was flirting with her and she thought she just wanted to be friends?

a classic

** > ddongddongie 8:26 PM **

oh yes that shit was so funny

i made fun of her for weeks

anyways, thanks woo

ill go and think this through

I just needed to let it out

** > jiwooming 8:28 PM **

hello???? thats so anticlimactic :/

meh whatever

are you gonna confess ?????  👀

** > ddongddongie 8:29 PM **

hell nah

** > jiwooming 8:30 PM **

WHAT

WHY NOT

** > jiwooming 8:39 PM **

DDONGDDONG

She closes her phone, lets it fall on her sheets as she clutches her plushie even closer to herself. Ignoring the continuous buzzing of her phone right next to her head, her eyes find themselves staring at her desk. Her closed laptop is neatly placed smack center, and surrounding it are a cup full of pens and markers, random figurines, and a few small picture frames. The closest one is of her and Jinsoul as kids, hands laced together with bright toothy grins as both their parents pose behind them. The one next to it is another picture of them, a bit more recent compared to the other one but still from a few years back; they're in their respective varsity uniforms from freshman year, each holding a trophy and medal in each hand. Jungeun smiles at the memory. It was their first ever competition, and the pure unadulterated happiness on their faces in the picture spoke for itself. 

Jungeun's eyes move upwards to the big cork board drilled to the wall. Compared to how organized her room was, the board looked very out of place. It was littered with sticky notes, reminders, letters, and polaroids of herself, her friends, family, Zero, and a few of Jinsoul alone.

_Huh._..  she finally looks away from her desk to look around the other things in her room: a gundam set is neatly inserted in her shelf along with the Red Velvet albums Jinsoul and her bought together last year, and right next to it is a Moomin lego figure Jinsoul made for her when they were 13. On the coat hanger next to the shelf is Jinsoul's varsity jacket hung neatly. She forgot it last week, but Jungeun didn't bother it giving back, knowing she'd be there to take it herself anyway. 

Running her eyes over her blank wall quickly, she spots a Doraemon alarm clock on her nightstand, and next to it are the earrings Jinsoul got her for her most recent birthday that costed Jinsoul 3 months of her allowance. It was sweet, and Jungeun cried as she scolded her for spending that much money through tears.

Spotting the lone figure of the owl plushie on the foot of her bed that Jinsoul won for her in a claw machine, she's struck with the realization that Jinsoul has made this big of an impact on her life. Integrated bits and pieces of herself slowly for the past 8 years.

She knows that she shouldn't depend on other people for her happiness, but if Jinsoul ever left her, she's sure she'd go insane. Which makes her new found feelings for the girls all the more terrifying.

A tear runs down her cheek before she could even feel it form. She wipes at her eyes in shock, but it doesn't seem to do anything with the way more tears keep streaming down her face like a broken dam.   


A sob makes its way out from her throat, her nose already feeling stuffy. She buries her face in her plushie, hoping it would muffle the sobs racking her entire body.

She prays her mom doesn't check on her today like she always does.

As her sobs die down after a few minutes of furiously wiping at her tears, she lets go of her tear stained Rowlip, shifting to lay down on her back.  


She stares at her ceiling filled with glow in the light stars, the ones her and Jinsoul stuck up when they were 14 because Jungeun wanted to stargaze. Living in the city, that was almost impossible, but Jinsoul knocks on her door the next day, the pack of stars in her arms and a bright grin on her face, telling her they were going stargazing like she wanted. 

Her chest squeezes a bit painfully, but a smile finds itself on her lips at the memory.

She sighs, closes her eyes and pull her lips apart to speak.

"Hey, Siri. Play Ribs by Lorde."

_ Playing ribs by Lorde. _

The intro of the song plays, echoes around her room and replacing the silence with soft synths getting louder and louder. But her thoughts seem to overpower the song, piercing through her head.

Realizing you like someone isn't all butterflies and rainbows and sunshines, and she curses all the rom-com's and feel-good movies she's watched for putting that mindset in her head. It's terrifying, like diving into an open ocean without a life vest on. Everything was uncertain. You could drown, you could float; the possibilities were endless. But realizing you're in love with your best friend? That's practically the same as someone chaining a metal ball to your foot as they push you inside the waters.

All her life, she's never felt anything like this for anyone. Sure, she's had a few fleeting crushes here and there, but it never felt like this. Never felt like it was grabbing her by the neck and suffocating her.

Maybe that's why they never lasted. Jinsoul made her feel so much more than them (whether she was conscious of it or not). It was always warm cheeks, a tingling in her stomach, and a heart beating a tad too fast to be normal around the older girl. And it's ironic how it only took her a few out of context words to make her realize that, because the more she thought about it, the more she's sure she's been in love with Jinsoul for  _years_.

_Laughing 'til our ribs get tough_

_ But that will never be enough _

At the last seconds of the song, a lone tear manages to escape her eye before consciousness leaves her body.

That night, she dreams of hands laced with her own, kisses shared in her bed, blonde hair flowing in the wind, and bright smiles under the burning sun.

She doesn't know if it was a dream or a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twt acc: prsvelvet  
> au acc: poeticveivet

**Author's Note:**

> acc: poeticveivet


End file.
